Love's Labours Lost

There are 645 seats at stake in the UK elections today. There were more in 2001, but the boundaries of the constituencies in Scotland have been re-drawn to match their English counterparts in size of population. One candidate in Staffordshire died recently, so that seat will be decided later in a by-election. With 646 seats used to decide the next government, the first party to reach 324 gets to shout "bingo!"

5.42pm EST: The title of this post looks less and less appropriate as the day progresses. Labour were the favourites before the polling stations opened this morning. No results are in yet, but exit polls suggest a 66 seat lead to the Labour party. I have tomorrow off from work to run errands so I'll post a bunch of new paragraphs throughout the evening, until the result is clear.

6.03pm EST: I don't have access to BBC America to watch tonight's coverage, which is a bummer because watching an election is to me as watching the Superbowl is to many of my friends and acquaintances. At least these has-beens don't flash their nipple clamps at half time. I'm wearing an ex-girlfriend's BBC America t-shirt today to get myself in the mood, but it doesn't have my name or number on the back.



6.47pm EST: Just my luck! I missed the first results on my three-block commute home. It's 3-nil to Labour right now and a fellow Brit, The Paranoid Mod, is making good with the soccer analogies in my comments section.

7.01pm EST: There was a perfectly good padded steel-frame chair in the "oversized trash" area near the entrance to my apartment complex, so I took it. My various worn jackets and pants that aren't yet ready for the laundry now have somewhere to drape themselves. I don't consider giving an unwanted chair a good home as stealing.

8.12pm EST: The conservatives have gained a seat from Labour and held one. It was about 4-1 (Lab-Con) but now it's 50-3-3 (the Liberal Democrats have entered the race). Of course, watching like a sport it's hard to remember that all the votes were cast 3 hours ago and it's the random order they're reported that creates all the drama. I wonder if tax forms could be redesigned to make the experience of filling them in more entertaining? Or if football could be revamped to make it more like politics? Oh wait... that was Football Manager for the Commodore 64 by the famous Kevin Toms.

8.37pm EST: 94-8-7 (Lab-Con-Lib) with only the Tories gaining a seat. Who does Labour have in goal? John Prescott?

9.28pm EST: It's 215-36-22. Wow. Unlesss the results are coming in all Labour-first instead of some more transparently random order, there's no reason to think the trend will change and this is all over except for the crying.