2005-06-06

Meg Is Dead... Long Live Meg-Bot!

As any fan of The Doors will tell you, you judge the art, not the artist. You applaud Jim Morisson for his song-writing, not for locking his wife in a closet and setting fire to it. I couldn't care less what my favourite singer eats for breakfast: celebrity gossip is pointless. So it's fun when "stars" start to play around with the phenomenon. Anything that breaks the banality is fine with me.

Maybe David Bowie went a little far in 1977 with a Nazi salute... He's adamant to this day that the photographer just caught him mid-wave, though he was wearing full S.S. uniform at the time and had previously said in interview that Britain could benefit from a dictatorship. Hey, it's an easy mistake to make.



John Gillis and Megan White were married in Detroit in 1996, formed The White Stripes in 1997, and divorced in 2000. Their first album released the same year. (Moral of this story: don't date someone you work with.) Jack took Meg's name in the marriage but he would soon be a White anyway, the same way Johnny Marr is and always will be a Smith. As the music press became interested in their private lives, Jack and Meg encouraged rumours that they were brother and sister. And now the truth is out! Evidence has been building for years at The White Stripes Conspiracy Reader and the duo have finally 'fessed up. Meg was killed in a car crash and Jack built a robot to replace her.

Meg: When I broke my wrist there was a theory that they were just updating me. Meg-bot 2.0, I believe.

Jack: Meg-bot version 2.0.

Meg: But if I'm a robot I should have perfect rhythm.

Jack: You do have perfect rhythm, Meg.


Initial clues to the Meg-bot conspiracy were found through their work: in the video for We're Going To Be Friends, "Meg" just lies on the couch and doesn't move; in Hotel Yorba, she plays with a mouse and everyone knows real girls are afraid of mice; and on the sleeve art for Elephant, Meg is standing on a footstool with a mouse on the floor (clearly, either it's a robotic mouse or Jack has reprogrammed her to be afraid of mice to not raise any more suspicion).

Most incriminating of all, the drum solo in Hello Operator is morse code for "Meg is dead and I created a robot to replace her - Jack."

Jack's been in the papers again because he just married British model Karen Elson in a canoe in the Amazon, scant weeks after his ex, Rene Zellweger, wed some country music singer in the Carribean. She's judging the man and not the art, that's for sure.

4 Comments:

Blogger The Paranoid Mod said...

You are so full of shit. But then so am I. So that's ok.

New album's a bit rubbish, I reckon...

22:40  
Anonymous Trundling Grunt said...

Does that explain their roles in Coffee and Cigarettes?

00:42  
Blogger thisismarcus said...

Er... I can't remember. Jack was showing her some electrical gizmo, wasn't he?

01:41  
Blogger The Paranoid Mod said...

A tesla coil. They can't act, but I liked the scene. It's not something you see every day, even on late night physics shows. Very cool.

And the phrase "So, Jack, are you going to show me your tesla coil" had a certain sexual frisson. I thought. But then I'm a perv.

09:27  

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