Chicken Curry Rules

I believe Shipla Shetty winning Big Brother wasn't a fix because I predicted the order of finalists three through six and wavered on the top two all night. But the live audience didn't consult me and heckled the result. There were no Brits in the top three. Dirk placed third.

Shilpa broke her trademark calm by proclaiming how much she loved chicken curry as she walked from the house to the studio. But before I could vote this the Surreal Moment Of The Year So Far I realised she was reading a fan sign held by an out-of-shot member of the public. Now I want Chicken Curry Rules on a t-shirt.

Davina McCall opened the live final with "it's only a game show" direct-to-camera, in response to the media furore over this series. She went on to milk the subject dry anyway. The racists were conspicuously absent from the after-show press conferences and parties. Their publicists went into Damage Control Mode and issued typical statements of non-culpability instead. One agent sadly died of a heart attack. Danielle Lloyd's Wikipedia page is closed for editing following what the site calls "vandalism" to her article: when I read it last week her full name was cited as Danielle Slutty Lloyd.

It's been a circus, and circuses are fun. But Ford will not be watching or writing about the next series. Trust me on this.