2005-09-22

Corny Dad Humour

When I'm not making dirty innuendoes I love me a good pun. Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac? He laid awake at night wondering if there was a Dog.

Failing that, gimme the kind of cornball humour I grew up with. Yesterday, father and I shovelled a ton (literally 2240lbs) of gravel back into a big bag and we wise-cracked back and forth to pass the time. Anyone dropping their eaves would have doubled over in pain, but we have an understanding that you can tell the absolute worst jokes in the world as long as you don't pretend they're any good.

Dad's teasing I'm less comfortable with. The same teases grate after the tenth time but he's 74 years old and doesn't always remember that he did the flab comment nine times already. Last night, I thought the honeymoon was over when I offered to set up his new multi-region DVD player. All I had to do was replace one component in his entertainment system but a bunch more connections fell out when I pulled the stack forward and I got in a real mess trying to put them back together again. I was frustrated with my lack of success because I sold and installed home A/V equipment professionally three student summers running (though that was ten years ago). "It worked before, son..." did not a happy Marcus make!

But I got coffee in bed at 0930 BST this morning and, still bleary-eyed, he dropped the following J-bomb on me:

"Did I tell you about the man I saw lying down eating the grass last week? I pulled over to the side of the road to see if he was O.K. and he said he was hungry. I told him to get up and come back to my place. He said, 'I've got a wife, three daughters, a son from a previous marriage, parents, a mother-in-law, cousins, grandchildren...'

"'Whoah!' I said. 'My lawn isn't THAT big.'"

10 Comments:

Anonymous sarah said...

I liked your joke about the DNR...am I getting it right? I'll let you give the punchline.:)

15:51  
Blogger thisismarcus said...

Q: What do the letters D.N.A. stand for?
A: National Dyslexics Association.

16:44  
Anonymous sarah said...

So, I screwed up the question a bit--this is why I didn't attempt the punchline!

17:26  
Anonymous sarah said...

Just to whore myself: I have a real blog now.:)

Damn! I keep trying to read the word verifications without my glasses on...you'd think I'd learn.

17:55  
Blogger The Paranoid Mod said...

A bloke walks into an Indian restaurant, and asks for some pilau rice, a peshwari nan and a chicken tarka.
The waiter writes this down, pauses, and says "Do you mean chicken tikka, sir?"
"No", replies the man, "it's like a chicken tikka, but a little otter".

English accent and knowledge of children's book may be required to get this one.

mod out.

18:02  
Blogger TheGirard said...

uhoh..back on the right side of the pond. Gotta make sure to include the extra Us

21:48  
Anonymous sarah said...

I just learned how to add links--I think I must be the last person on earth to figure that one out. I linked you, Marcus.:)

22:11  
Blogger thisismarcus said...

Dammit, Sarah! If you've got your own place to pontificate now, who's gonna inflate my apparent popularity by leaving multiple comments on every post?! :) I may have to resort to an alias...

13:26  
Anonymous sarah said...

Ha ha! Don't worry, I still be a comment-whore over here. Besides, I *like* reading your blog and I've *linked* you, so my friends will all be comment whores, too. Especially since Carrie knows just as much about Galactica as you do--ooh, I might be going to see Neil Gaiman on Sunday. More material with which to fill up your comments section!

22:50  
Blogger Count said...

Woah dude - this is what happens when I drop off radar!
You back in the U of K?

00:02  

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