Two Nations Divided

When I started my current job and didn't have as much time to blog any more I asked if other people wanted to post here, to help keep the content up. If you have your own blog you have no reason at all to take me up on that offer but Neil doesn't, and he has something to say in keeping with the themes here. So, over to Neil:

I've been invited to write about the differences between America and the mother country and where better to start than the mens' room? Both have machines to dispense vital male supplies but we clearly differ in what we consider vital.

U.S. vending machines obsess on oral hygiene and making sure your breath smells good - assuming minty fresh is your definition of good. It isn't mine, but what do I know? The machine I saw yesterday had a selection of gums and mouthwashes, plus those peculiar strips that make people's eyes water and will surely give rise to abnormal levels of stomach cancer when anyone can be bothered to study them.



British vending machines are solely devoted to the pursuit of "getting your leg over". (At this point I should stress that I haven't availed myself of a mens' room vending machine for an awfully long time however I'm sure oral hygiene wasn't high on my list of priorities when I did.) You find at least three types of condoms: sensitive, ribbed, and ones with go-faster-stripes down the sides. The only concession to oral hygiene is found in the assortment of flavours - strawberry, orange, chocolate, liquorice, pickled onion and tikka massala, to name a few. I was too busy getting my brain around the notion that making your groin smell like a pickle is an aphrodysiac to note whether minty fresh flavour was available.

U.K. machines also contain Nurofen, presumably in case the object of your alcohol-induced lust gets a headache from all the fumes rising from your nether regions.